Love

Life has been a little tough lately. I know, boo hoo, right? I'm not going to sit and catalog all my woes, because that would be stupid and pointless. Believe me, I don't want sympathy or pity. I mention it because I find it strange that with all our trials, I have really been focusing a lot lately on one thing. I have a family member that has made some really horrible choices. I'm talking major, life altering choices. But I find I've been so weighed down by the effects of these choices, what its doing to other members of the family, etc., that I just couldn't let it go. I just got angry. SO angry. Angry and obsessed. I think I just didn't know how to deal with it all. What do you do when someone hurts you and those you love the most? How do you handle it? How do you forgive something like that?

I can honestly say that I have kept my resolution to study the scriptures and pray like I know I should. It has really changed my life in so many ways. But for the first time in my life, I discovered that just reading your scriptures, saying your prayers, and going to the temple doesn't always fix everything. There was something I was missing. And even though I really have given it my all, I just couldn't figure it out. That anger was always there, no matter what.

I guess I just needed a good person to talk me through everything. With some help, I came to three realizations tonight:

1. Just because you make bad choices doesn't make you a bad person.
2. There is always hope.
3. Every person is a child of God and deserves to be loved.

I don't know why it took me so long to apply these to my situation. I tell Pooka all the time that even when she makes mistakes, she's still a good person. I guess its just a little harder to see when you're hurting. And its hard to imagine people coming back from their big mistakes, especially if they don't believe they've done anything wrong. But its so important to remember to keep that hope. How would I feel if I made a mistake and everyone just pushed me to the side and left me for a goner? After tonight, I realize that by losing hope for someone after they've sinned is like saying the Atonement doesn't apply. How absurd is that! Just the thought makes me cringe. But I think the most important thing I remembered tonight is you have to remember to love someone even when they've really hurt you. Its hard to understand in the moment, but if you can just get to the point where you love someone again, everything else doesn't matter as much.

Love really is everything.


Thanks Maria.